Violated or Not Violated?

 So… I went to the gym to work out with my trainer, right? I’m minding my business, trying to be a responsible adult, when suddenly my right leg decides to cramp up like I just got hit with a BB gun from a sniper I didn’t even know I had beef with and immediately went MAN DOWN. I collapsed so fast you’d think someone unplugged me from the wall.

Was I violated?   Not yet — just publicly humbled.

My trainer—God bless this man—drops everything, grabs the roller and that gun‑thing that looks like it was borrowed from a futuristic action movie where nobody survives the first scene, and starts working on my leg. No violation there. Just me, sprawled out in the middle of the gym floor like a confused baby deer who missed the memo on how legs work.

Then he escorts me—limping, dramatic, questioning all my life choices—to a room filled with spaceship‑like contraptions. I’m talking full Area 51 energy. He tells me to crawl into one, and once I’m inside, HE presses a few buttons like he’s launching me into orbit, smiles, and says, “See you when you’re done.”

Sir… WHAT DO YOU MEAN “SEE YOU WHEN YOU’RE DONE”? Done with WHAT?

 My workout? My life? My earthly existence?

The machine starts doing all kinds of things—pulling my legs, squeezing my arms, and giving me the full “mysterious strong hands everywhere” experience… and going places, I wasn’t sure it was supposed to.

Violated?   Not quite — but the application was questionable.

Then… the balls appeared.

Out of NOWHERE. No warning. No introduction. Just HELLO, WE’RE HERE.

They replaced all the strong hands and started exploring territories I’m 99% sure were NOT covered in the gym membership agreement.

Was I violated?   At this point… the jury was out, deliberating, and asking for snacks.

I couldn’t get out of the chair even if I wanted to. And honestly? I didn’t want to. I mentally checked out. I left my body. I dissociated so hard I could’ve floated above the machine like a ceiling fan.   I saw my ancestors. One of them told me to relax.

I finally returned to Earth when the chair stopped moving.

Was I violated?   Well… if I was, I’d probably book another session. Maybe during off‑peak hours so I don’t have an audience for my spiritual awakening.

I got out of the chair feeling like I needed a cigarette I don’t even smoke. The trainer meets me with a big smile and says, “The party is over! Let’s finish your workout.”

I discreetly pulled my underwear back into its rightful position and followed him like nothing happened. But we both knew… something happened.

Lessons Learned 

On the drive home, I had a moment of deep reflection — the kind that only hits after being spiritually rearranged by a machine that probably requires a waiver I absolutely did NOT read.

Here’s what I learned:

• Not every strange sensation is a violation… but every violation definitely starts with a strange sensation.
• If you have to ask, “Was I violated?” you’re already halfway to yes.
• Sometimes life violates your expectations, not your body. And honestly, that might be worse.
• And the biggest lesson of all: If a machine ever greets you with strong hands and surprise balls… that’s not a violation — that’s a character‑building moment.

So, in the end?

Violated or not violated? Maybe. But if surviving a machine with strong hands and surprise balls counts as character development… then call me enlightened.